August – Growing: Always Learning

Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture. Read "Back-to-School," this month's reflection by K. Bean, for more on intentional conversations about adoption and race during this time of year.

August Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

Transracial Journeys invites your family to experience the calendar in a whole new way. With the help of the June-in-April Calendar Conversation Cards, each month your family is invited to use the cards as a tool for more regular and intentional conversations about identity, family relationships, and differences of race and culture.

Each month has four cards with conversation starters. The prompts and questions are designed to spark reflection and ongoing dialogue within your family as well as with extended family and friends. There is no prescriptive way to use the cards, sometimes parents or grown-ups can take the lead and ask the questions and other times, children can go first.

August Pro-Tip for Parents: Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture.

CARD ONE: IDENTITY 
Close your eyes and think of being a kid at school: What is the first word that comes to mind?
• Can you describe what your school was like?
- How big was it?
- How many other kids were there?
• What was your favorite subject?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Who were some of your favorite teachers and why?
• Were there any kids or teachers who looked like me in your school?
• Were there any kids or teachers that were a different race than you?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• Did you ever see black or brown students being treated differently?
• How do you think your experiences in school were different from mine?
• What can you do better to prepare me for what I might face at school?

This post is from our August 2024 newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe.  You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long.  And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!


Book Corner – August 2024

Reviewed by Bear Howe, TRJ white adoptive parent

The Connected Parent

by Karyn Purvis, Lisa Qualls and Emmelie Pickett
Adult Nonfiction

The Connected parent offers a framework for parenting called Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI). TBRI is an attachment-based and trauma-informed approach designed to support the complex needs of children with histories of trauma. This framework focuses on three core principles: empowerment, connection and correction, and first asks parents do their own inner work of healing and introspective processing in order to show up for their children with the most clarity possible.

The book provides personal anecdotes, including religious ones, as well as research-based insights from neuroscience, attachment theory and developmental psychology, and offers practical and actionable strategies for parents. This book aims to help parents understand more intentionally the importance of helping children feel safe, valued and connected, which is particularly important and effective for children who have experienced early harm, neglect, abuse, toxic stress and other adverse childhood experiences.

Karyn Purvis is associated with Texas Christian University, the number five most conservative college in Texas, where students are able to study various religions and are not required by the school to attend any services. My sense of this book is that there is good science here that I’ve seen in many other non-religious-based books and articles, as well as in my own experiences of non-religious therapy. The religious anecdotes may help anchor parents who practice Christianity, and are not so emphasized that non-Christian parents can’t just leave those behind while gaining science-backed insights.

Reviewed by Bear Howe, TRJ white adoptive parent.


Back-to-School

By K. Bean

Back-to-school season is an exciting and transformative time, not just for our children but for us as parents as well. While our children gear up for new academic adventures, we as parents can seize this opportunity to reignite our own commitment to learning and growth. Embracing a mindset of curiosity and dedication to continuous learning is essential for fostering an inclusive, supportive, and understanding family environment. Continuing to learn about the impact of racism and bias will help create more emotional, psychological and physical safety for our children. 

Intentional Conversations About Adoption & Race

Parenting children of another race necessitates a profound and ongoing commitment to being self-aware, culturally competent, and anti-racist. I understand that my process of learning how to be better surrounding these complex issues will never be complete; there is always more to understand, more perspectives to consider, and more ways to support our boys. By engaging in intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can create a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and understood.

For us as parents, staying curious means actively seeking out knowledge and experiences that enhance our understanding of our boys racial and cultural background. We read books, attend workshops, and participate in cultural events that share our boys' heritage. We want to demonstrate that their identity is respected and celebrated. This kind of proactive engagement sets a powerful example, showing them that learning is a lifelong journey and that understanding and respecting differences is a vital part of personal growth.

Discussions Can Help Develop a Sense of Self, Strengthen Bonds and Build a Foundation of Trust

Moreover, having intentional conversations about race and adoption can help address the unique challenges that transracially adopted children might face. These discussions can provide a safe space for them to express their experiences and feelings, whether they relate to racial identity, experiences of discrimination, or questions about their adoption. By normalizing these conversations, we can help them develop a positive sense of self and equip them with the tools to navigate a world that may not always be accepting or understanding.

In addition to benefiting our boys, these conversations foster a deeper connection within our family. When we discuss complex topics like race and adoption openly and honestly, it strengthens our bond and builds a foundation of trust and mutual respect. This openness encourages them to share their struggles and triumphs, knowing that we are here to support them without judgment. It also allows us as parents to share our own vulnerabilities and learning experiences, highlighting that growth and understanding are continuous processes for everyone.

Back to School: Recommit to Our Own Educational Journeys

In conclusion, back-to-school season is an opportune moment for us to recommit to our own educational journeys, especially when parenting through transracial adoption. By fostering intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can enhance our understanding, support one another more effectively, and create a loving, inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. This commitment to continuous learning and growth benefits not just the family but society as a whole, promoting a culture of empathy, respect, and inclusivity.

This post is from our August, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


Book Corner – July 2024

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.  

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at the Transracial Journeys Family Camp to help bring to life parent work sessions  centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.  

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/


Black Excellence – Isaac Etter

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent
Isaac Etter, transracial adoptee

This month we are combining our Black Excellence and Book Corner featuring Isaac Etter.  Isaac is a transracially adopted person and a social entrepreneur who founded Identity, a startup focused on helping adoptive and foster families thrive. At Identity, Isaac is working on re-imagining post-placement support for adoptive and foster families. He uses his story and deep passion for adoption and foster care education to bring relevant, quality, and diverse resources to adoptive and foster parents.

Isaac utilizes his experience of being adopted to curate deep conversations about race, identity, and adoption. With his unique insight, Isaac facilitates impactful discussions about adoption's impact on children and how parents can support their children in navigating identity and racial identity development. He specializes in helping child welfare professionals and parents understand the unique challenges and joys involved in transracial adoption and fostering.

A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption.

As a special offer to the TRJ community, Issac has created a special offer - $17.75 for his Identity guide, A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption. Now including two bonus chapters! One written by Julie Etter, adoptive mother, and an extended Q&A chapter.

Currently Isaac is working on releasing an update of his Black Hair Care guide to include QR links to explanations of tools, products, and also walkthroughs. Learn more about Issac and his work here and listen to monthly podcast episodes of Inside Transracial Adoption with his mom. Link: https://www.youtube.com/@identitylearning

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.  

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at camp to help bring to life parent work sessions  centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.  

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/


Freedom

Considering the Complexities of Freedom

By K. Bean

As we delve deeper into our history and the true essence of freedom, July 4th becomes a day of profound reflection. It invites us to consider the complexities of freedom and to question who is genuinely free and under what circumstances. This exploration is particularly relevant in the context of transracial adoption, where understanding our identities and truths as individuals and families becomes paramount.

The concept of freedom, as celebrated on Independence Day, is multifaceted. It encompasses not just the political liberation from colonial rule for some but also the ongoing struggle for social, economic, and personal freedoms. While the Declaration of Independence proclaimed that all men are created equal, the reality of freedom has been unevenly distributed throughout American history. This discrepancy prompts me to ask: Who is really free, and when?

For many, the journey to freedom is intertwined with personal history and identity. In my family, this journey involves exploring and understanding the truth of who we are. It’s important to me that we intentionally create a space for our boys to explore their full identities. Adoption has added layers of complexity to each of our identities, often involving questions about heritage, belonging, and self-discovery. For my boys, freedom includes the ability to access their personal histories, understand their cultural roots, and reconcile their identities with us and broader society.

Freedom to Explore Identities

The freedom to explore their identities is supported and encouraged, however, they have limited access to information about their origins and backgrounds. Fostering connections with the families they were born to and creating an environment where open and honest conversations can happen is ideal. This exploration is not just about satisfying curiosity; it is fundamental to developing a strong, healthy sense of self. With that said, the pain of the past has caused a barrier between their family of origin and the 4 of us. Every ask, every text, every promise is a reminder there are barriers to having the freedom to know all parts of themselves.

Freedom: An Ongoing Process

July 4th, therefore, becomes an opportunity to reflect on how these principles of freedom apply within the microcosm of our families. It encourages us to think about how we can create the conditions where every family member feels free to express themselves and explore their identities. This means celebrating differences, acknowledging the complexities of adoption, and understanding that freedom is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing process.

Contemplating How Race and History Impact the Experiences of Adoptees

In contemplating freedom, we must also consider the broader social context. Historical and systemic inequalities have meant that the promise of freedom has not been equally realized by all. For transracially adoptive families, understanding these broader issues is crucial. It involves recognizing how race and history impact the experiences of adoptees and being advocates for social justice and equity.

Reflect on the True Meaning of Freedom

In July and all year long, let’s make time to reflect on the true meaning of freedom, consider who is genuinely free, and acknowledge that freedom is an evolving journey. By doing so, we honor the spirit of independence, not just through celebration but through a commitment to continuous growth, understanding, and the pursuit of true freedom for all.

This post is from our July, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


July – Expanding: Exploring Our Unique Identities

As we all learn more about our history and what freedom really means, July 4th gives us much to contemplate. Who is really free and when? Freedom related to adoption and exploring the truth of who we are as individuals and families is foundational and important.

July Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for July. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent pro-tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

July Pro-Tip for Parents: Do your research on the complexities of July 4th and be ready to steer confidently into the conversation with your child/children. Create space to process the emotions that may come up as you prepare to have the conversation about freedom and enslavement with your child. Even if it is hard, don’t shy away from moving in the direction of openness related to hard topics like this. It is only when we are confident and centered in the truth of our histories both collective and individual that we can be truly FREE!

Transracial Adoption Identity Conversations

CARD ONE: IDENTITY
• What does freedom mean to you?
• Have you always felt free to explore who you are?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Why do you think it is important that we all have the freedom to ask questions and explore everything that makes us unique and amazing?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• Let's discuss the 4th of July and why it's a complicated part of our history.

This post is from our July, 2024, e-newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe.  You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long.  And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp.


Father Day

By Daniel Herd

In the early stages of our adoptive process, during a routine doctor's visit, the girls’ doctor, a specialist in high-risk infants, asked if we had any more medical history about their fathers. I replied that we still had no knowledge about either one and that they “had no fathers around.” The doctor paused and then said, “yes, they do now.” He might have added something about how a father can be defined by actions rather than biology, but I was too preoccupied by this realization. The title of "father" suddenly became real for me.

Before that, "father" was something I understood through experience, not easily defined. It wasn’t just a title for the genetic parent. My own father exemplified this through actions that demonstrated intentional sacrifice and investment in us as people. For instance, during winter, he would play a game called Abominable Snowman, hiding in the snow for my brother and me to find. This game wasn’t just about fun; it was about the effort and love he put into making those moments special.

The essence of being a father involves intangible qualities. My father’s actions, like playing in the snow or sharing a special treat, created emotional touch points that defined fatherhood for me. These memories, though justifications for my feelings, underscored the emotional truth of what being a father meant.

As I listened to the doctor’s words, I was flooded with memories and the realization of the responsibility and excitement of becoming a father through adoption. This led to reflections on how adoption would change my perception of being a father and how I would navigate this role when my role models didn’t fit this new model. The girls already had birth parents, cousins, and grandfathers, along with a history of loss and separation.

Adopting through foster care involves navigating inevitable loss. Someone, possibly everyone is going to lose. Lose parents, lose siblings, lose a child, lose your history, lose the only parent they’ve known. There is no way forward without loss. In the initial months, I wondered what would happen if the girls stayed with us permanently. The following year was filled with the fear that they might not. The recurring, sick feeling came from knowing the title of father could be taken from me at any time, coupled with anger that no other father (or mother) was fighting for them.

 Some fathers never get the chance to be a father, others can only provide a roof and food. I realized I didn’t have to be those fathers and couldn’t be those fathers. With an adopted child, especially one who doesn’t share your cultural or racial identity, you quickly learn you cannot simply copy and paste another father’s efforts. Each child, particularly transracially adopted children, will develop their own relationship with the word "father," and though it will always include an element of loss, it is my responsibility to help shape that relationship.

Adoption brings unique challenges and opportunities. It requires creating new touch points and experiences that define fatherhood for these children. It’s about being consistent, safe, and attentive to their world, helping them navigate new situations and challenges in a way that builds their capacity for the future.

Daniel Herd is an adoptive parent

This post is from our June, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


Black Excellence: Michael Franti

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Michael Franti (@michaelfranti)

Michael Franti is an American singer-songwriter, poet, activist and documentarian known for his socially conscious music. His work spans several genres including hip hop, reggae, jazz, folk and rock. Franti was born in Oakland, California, in 1966, the biological son of Mary Lofy and Thomas Hopkins. He was adopted shortly after birth by white parents Carole Wisti and Charles Franti, who had four other children—one adopted and three biological—and raised their children in the diverse and multi-cultural Oakland, California.

Franti talks openly about his adoption, and says that the experience has profoundly influenced his understanding of identity, belonging and social justice. Growing up bi-racial in a predominantly white family challenged his sense of identity, and fostered a deep sense of empathy and awareness for racial and cultural issues.

You may know Franti from his 2008 single, “Say Hey (I Love You)” which became a major hit and showcased his ability to create infectious, uplifting music. He produced and directed the film, “I Know I’m Not Alone,” which documented his travels through war-torn regions and the power of music to heal.

Franti met his biological father for the first time when he was 22 years old, and says about his biological father that he was wicked smart, and was the first African American researcher in the lab that developed the birth control pill. He remembers his first father as being socially awkward and not always emotionally present. He didn’t get to have his biological father with him on a daily basis growing up like he did with his adoptive father, but Franti says he feels his biological father inside, and has developed an understanding that in this way he has always had his father with him.

Franti is known for his warm and engaged stage presence and has dedicated his life to promoting messages of unity, positivity and generosity. In interviews he has spoken about the positive and supportive environment his adoptive parents provided and the importance of acceptance and love at home, which is reflected in his art.


Book Corner – June 2024

By Kristen Perry, transracial adoptive parent and professor of literacy education

Max and the Tag-Along Moon, by Floyd Cooper

Floyd Cooper’s picture book, Max and the Tag-Along Moon, is the perfect story to celebrate all the fathers, grandfathers, and other father-figures in our children’s lives. It is a wonderful ode to the love between a grandfather and grandson and to the things that connect us to each other, even across distances.

In this sweet story, Max is sad to be saying goodbye to his grandfather after a visit. Granpa reminds Max that they see the same moon, even when they are in different places. Max watches the moon all the way home, but he becomes sad and misses Granpa when the moon disappears behind clouds. When the moon reappears, “Max knew that whenever he saw the moon, he would think of Granpa, on and on.”

Max and the Tag-Along Moon is appropriate for children from preschool on up. It offers a wonderful opportunity to facilitate conversations about the connections, both real and symbolic, that family members have with each other, as well as the ways we show our love for each other. 

Max and the Tag ALong Moon

Discussion Prompts:

  • Think about a family member. What is something special that connects you with that person? 
  • Who are the father figures in your life? Think about fathers, grandfathers, stepfathers, uncles, neighbors, and/or friends of the family. How do these father figures show their love for you (or take care of you)?
  • What are things you do (or could do) when you’re missing someone that you love?

Book Recommendations for Families Created in Transracial Adoption

Kristen Perry is a transracial adoptive parent and professor of literacy education.