Black Excellence: Keegan-Michael Key

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent
Keegan Michael Key

Image attributed to Gage Skidmore, via Wikimedia Commons

Keegan-Michael Key is an actor, comedian, writer and producer, known for his sharp social satire and innovative sketches in shows like Key & Peele, which he co-created and starred in with Jordan Peele, and Schmigadoon, as well as his work in television, film and on Broadway.

Key was born in Detroit, Michigan, to parents Carrie Herr and Leroy McDuffie. He was adopted at a young age by Patricia Walsh and Michael Key. His mother of origin and his adoptive mothers are white, and his father of origin and his adoptive father are Black. Being biracial and raised in a biracial household played a significant role in his upbringing and helped shape his understanding of identity and race, themes that often appear in his work. 

Being biracial and raised in a biracial household played a significant role in his upbringing and helped shape his understanding of identity and race, themes that often appear in his work.

In interviews, Key has shared that his adoption journey and being biracial gave him clarity about identity from an early age. He learned to appreciate the diverse perspectives of both communities, and this duality helped him find empathy and understanding in his personal and professional life. He has said that his background allows him to see situations from multiple points of view, which has influenced his approach to comedy, particularly in exploring social and racial dynamics. Key has also mentioned that his experiences with adoption and race helped him develop resilience and self-awareness, giving him the tools to address topics like race, identity and privilege with nuance and humor in his work on Key & Peele and beyond.

For more from Keegan-Michael Key:

On adoption: https://youtu.be/XlQV7P6yj-M?si=5En-fE2K6hhCcdhT

On comedy: https://www.npr.org/2023/10/10/1204833725/keegan-michael-key-breaks-down-how-he-sets-up-a-joke


September: Navigating Life with Clarity and Confidence

In September we focus on navigating to move through life with clarity and confidence as it can relate to our family's relationship to the calendar.  As we make our way through the year there are so many ways we can use the calendar to lean into conversations about the uniqueness of our families. Being thoughtful about how our families have to navigate the world differently and talking openly about what we might face can help ease the impact. 

The calendar is the perfect tool to:
• Celebrate the special moments and prepare for the harder ones.
• Honor every person in the family who is connected to your child and to you.
• Ensure you are making time each month to talk with intention about adoption and differences of race, culture, and class.

September Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck, given to all our families at Family Camp and available for purchase. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for September. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent pro-tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

September Pro-Tip for Parents: It’s a good idea to add the birthday of your child’s family of origin. If you do not know the dates make an effort to find out and if that is not possible, pick a day where you will honor them in some way and start to institutionalize that on your calendars every year. This will make space to honor those that came before you and while birth parents may not be physically present every day they remain attached to your child and your family in spirit. Make plans to have special treats on these days to celebrate the people that are connected to your children and to you.

Get more thoughts on how, as parents, we can help build practices of learning and aligning to become capable of walking beside our children with clarity and confidence, centering their experiences and needs, instead of hovering around them and world events in our own anxieties, which centers ourselves. This month's reflection, written by white adoptive parent, Bear Howe, is presented in two parts: Walking Beside Our Children With Clarity and Confidence (Part 1) and Walking Beside Our Children With Clarity and Confidence (Part 2).

CARD ONE: IDENTITY
• Where are some of your favorite places to go?
• Why do you like certain places more than others?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Did you remember a time when someone out in the world did not think we were together as a family?
• How did that feel?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• How does it feel when we are out in the world and people ask us questions about our family?

This post is from our September 2024 email newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe.  You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long.  And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!


Walking Beside Our Children With Clarity and Confidence – (Part 2)

By Bear Howe

PART 2

This is part 2 of a two-part article written for the September issue of Transracial Journeys newsletter. Click here for Part 1: Walking Beside Our Children With Clarity and Confidence (Part 1)

(Part 1 explores the topics of personal work, allyship and parenting inside the home.)

  1. Parenting Outside The Home

If we are the upholders of our children’s dignity, then we need to get really clear about the forces at play in society, in our communities, and in our families that will try to convince us that “being polite” is more important than untangling racism, that we should value comfort over discomfort. 

We should never share our kids’ stories, unless we are clear about who it is for. Early on in my parenting I often overshared about my kids. They were my everything, I just loved talking about them, and they have a complex history that was at times triggering for me and at times joyous for me. But, the central part of all of those situations was they were about me. I wasn’t being a good protector by giving out personal details about my kids to people who were simply curious and had no need to know them besides what really just amounts to gossip or entertainment.

Now, when I’m trying to figure out if a questioner is asking for too much personal information, I always ask myself this: Does answering this question directly benefit my child or the asker? Does answering this question protect my child’s dignity fully, or does it put cracks in it? Does my impulse to answer this question come from my need to not feel awkward or rude? What’s the worst thing that can happen if I’m perceived as rude? What’s the worst thing that can happen if my kids get to adulthood and realize people have been gossiping about them and our extended family through adoption their whole lives?

If sharing about your child will not directly benefit them, stop sharing it. It is their story. This includes photos on social media. They will be adults soon enough, and they deserve to have their stories intact to share themselves in the ways that they decide.

  1. Connecting to Extended Family Through Adoption

The intersection of adoption is often ironically backseat to the transracial part of our family make-up. This is partially due to the history of erasure of extended biological family in adoption norms, which centered a narrative of a clean-slate “happy family built through adoption,” pushing all the messiness under the rug, and partially because for a lot of White people, our Black kids might be their first intimate access to Blackness. If that sounds icky, it’s because it is.

Our children have a whole other set of parents and extended families, whose choices, abilities, reputation and interactions with us will be held in our children’s nervous systems, minds and hearts until the day they leave this Earth. This constellation of people and how we engage is one of the major forces of influence on our children's inner self-worth and is as important as our own daily influence on them. It is important that our children see in action that we value our extended families through adoption because we truly care about them. In addition to this, because the American project of White supremacy that built our country’s systems still relies to this day on a cultural understanding of who is worthy and who is not based on how dark or light our skin is, among other intersects of identity, our care has even more implications discussed in No. 1B & 2.

  1. Room for Grief and Hope at the Same Time

Our kids' separation from the parents who gave birth to them, their siblings and extended families will always be present for our children, and will show up how it shows up from one day and year to the next. It is our work to get in good relationship with hard feelings and keep space in our nervous systems and schedules for when our kids need a safe space to express their grief, confusion, questions and more. What we say, and allow others to say, about these extended families; how our kids are treated by these extended families; and how we interact with them will all travel inside our kids forever. 

It is important that our children can see that we care about who our extended families through adoption are, where they are, and what they're up to. Sometimes these realities are not all positive, but the truth still matters, and in age appropriate ways we need to teach them about the complexities of family, healthy boundaries and respect.

  1. Interrupting

Growth mindset requires the practice of interruption—of our own thoughts, words and actions as we learn to do better, and of others in our communities when they step through our boundaries. Interruption is a complex skill. We’re trying to interrupt harmful behaviors while keeping important relationships and our own energy supplies safe. This is some of the hardest parts of being an effective parent and citizen because it requires us to be brave in new ways with people we know and love and work with and for. It requires that we may need to change who we are around if they can't learn to do better. And it requires that we can interrupt ourselves, too. It’s easy to go to a rally or a march or declare you are not a racist or a sexist and stand up to outright bigots. But most of our interactions in daily life are more subtle. Being an interrupter is the first part of being able to  teach new paradigms to our communities. And we need a new paradigm of how we see the major forces at play in our lives. We need to interrupt the status quo so much that it falls apart.

Parenting in this context is an enormous responsibility. The nuance of intersectional empowerment is at work in every daily interaction each of us has with the world. It takes a lot of work to maintain our integrity and show our values while bringing people into our new way of learning, interrupting, pivoting and showing up. Putting a few flags and yard signs up is not where this work stops. To be a real ally, we have to sacrifice our time and safety through concrete action.

Here are some examples:

  • When was the last time you asked a friend or just yourself to stop talking crap about their body in front of your kid and explained that fat phobia or ageism is at play? If the people we are interrupting are important to us, we can offer some of our own vulnerability by opening up a conversation about how these things have caused harm to us, and the efforts we are making to interrupt ourselves when we catch ourselves thinking that way, too.

  • When was the last time you interrupted a joke and explained that even though it was subtle there was ableism at play or that it objectified a whole gender into something to be consumed? We can offer up some of our own vulnerability and talk about our fear of being othered ourselves, or our fear of loneliness or being seen as less than, and that we are beginning to interrupt our own thoughts and words when we notice ourselves thinking similar things.

  • When was the last time you interrupted a family member when they talked so broadly about the problems with welfare or immigration that they erased whole pieces of the historical record that explain how powerful countries systematically, intentionally created legislation that created the context in which those complex problems erupted in order to keep White supremacy alive? You can offer up your own fears around job scarcity or retirement, how exhausted you feel working so hard, and how you have been trying to interrupt your own anxious thoughts that cause you to oversimplify the matter by blaming a whole group of people for what is much more complex.

  • What about a simple, “Aunt Linda, we aren’t going to answer personal questions like that, why don’t you tell us about your divorce from your first husband?” (Okay, so you don’t have to add that last bit if you don't want to, but I find a little humor in throwing personal questions back at people!)

  • Are you keeping track of how often you are watching, reading, listening to and otherwise engaging with the voices of the global majority (non-white people), and adopted peoples’ voices to counter-balance the default we all get in our country and global community? Even for those of us who live in communities where representation is not as imbalanced, this comes into play because we all live global lives in our devices and who and what we choose to surround ourselves with.

There will be times when you have a gut feeling something is off about how someone is interacting with your child or family or about how something is written or framed in a group, and you can’t even put words to it in time to interrupt immediately—write those moments down so you can keep reflecting and looking for patterns. Practice what you could have said or done to end the conversation sooner or redirect or engage in education. Your voice will shake sometimes. You’ll feel absurd sometimes. You will get better at it. In art, I tell my students, “When you’re really stuck, go back to your references!” That applies here, too. We do not need to invent anything new to learn these skills because many generations of people have been doing it before us! We can read books, join a group, ask questions. When we give our time and mind-space to this work, and get comfortable with mistakes while engaging in targeted practice of these skills, we get better!

These questions aren’t meant to shame anyone who isn’t already doing these things, because remember Growth Mindset: “I’m not sure, let me learn more!” We’re all somewhere on this learning path that never ends, let’s link up and support each other like rollercoaster cars who are all going to the same place! If you have ever been in a situation where you knew you needed to interrupt, but you weren’t sure what and you froze, think about my friends question, “Who benefits by you staying silent?” Is your job to keep Aunt Linda comfortable, or to show your child that their dignity is important to you and that positive boundaries (and even a little humor) are available to them? Who benefits from you not causing a scene somewhere if you need to, and who benefits if you do cause that scene? Are you an ally to the status quo, or to your child and the justice, dignity and genuine active care that they need?

I realize you might be thinking—hold up I’m here to learn how to be a better transracial parent, not fix all this! Well, all this affects our kids, and our kids see how we interact with these things, and they internalize all of it! To be a better parent, we need to be getting better. All the internalized White supremacy we need to continue to dismantle in ourselves is the same that everyone in our lives (no matter their background) holds inside them. When we get better at interrupting it, we can also build skills for helping to explain it to those who are willing to grow, and develop more skills for creating better boundaries for those who are not. 

I know you might not have entered the role of parent with the goal of becoming a progressive activist, but it is my firm belief that every parent already is an activist of some kind, because kids are listening to and watching us as though we created the universe. As they get older and realize we are flawed, their nervous systems are still nonetheless tethered to that belief. They are watching and listening to us act everyday. If your life was a movie, what kind of character would be? What kind of character do you want to be?


*When I use the term status quo, I’m referring to the project of White Supremacy, which inherently contains the intersections of racialized human value as well as how narrow and harmful concepts of gender, sexuality, nationality, class and ability are used to uphold harmful power structures. All of these forces are tangled up in each other, referring back to each other constantly like a pro sports team— this entanglement is called intersectionality.

**White supremacy is the belief that the white race is inherently superior to other races and that white people should have control over people of other races. It also refers to the social, economic, and political systems that collectively enable white people to maintain power over people of other races (merriam webster).This term is often used in the context of institutional and political legacies and continued use of practices that support maintaining wealth and power for White people over non-white people. In other words, one does not have to believe personally that White people are superior to other races to be participating in habits, behaviors, rules, norms, laws and systems that were created to explicitly keep White supremacy running, but that haven’t been updated fully yet.

—-

Bear Howe is a white adoptive TRJ parent.

 

This post is from our September, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


Walking Beside Our Children With Clarity and Confidence – (Part 1)

By Bear Howe

When I set out to write this piece, I thought I’d share some jumping off points that have helped me become a more confident transracially adoptive parent. But it grew to include quite a few pieces, so we have decided it’s best broken into two parts. Here you’ll find part 1, and you can jump over to our blog to find part 2. Thanks for being here, putting in the time and energy our kids need from us. –Bear

A friend of mine recently asked me the question, “Who benefits by you staying silent?” I had been telling him about my anxiety over creating a more robust artist presence online for my business—more videos about who I am and why I make what I make—and my hesitation at starting a Patreon account where I’d be able to share more and create community. I told him that almost every time I created a video I felt an intense sense of shame internally: “WHO CARES what I have to say!?” Or “What if people don’t accept me because I’m not enough of one thing or another?” I was sure that the problem was inside me. If not a total moral failing, then at least a personal weakness big enough to stop me from being the person I wanted to be.

This is where we come in—Right this very moment, as primary caregivers, we embody one of the strongest and most impactful forces that will inform how our kids feel about their worth. We are one huge force. We are the ones who educate and frame what the other forces is the world are to our kids: the complexities and intersections of race, adoption, family structure, nationality, religion, wealth, gender, sexuality, age, resource access and institutionalized education (among others) are already shaping how our children think about the world and their place in it. Working toward becoming more conscious and clear-eyed about how we can better move and act amongst these forces outside the status quo* is critical to helping our kids learn to move and act amongst them outside the status quo themselves.

Let’s say our goal is to get our kids to age 40 with clear and confident inner-voices of self-worth, determination and resilience, so that they can trust themselves when they are making important choices, and find joy, excitement and fulfillment in their lives. In this effort, I thought I’d share how I think about our caregiving work.

Becoming a Conscious and Clear-Eyed Adult is a Practice

The work starts with us. Becoming an effective, action-driven, intersectional ally to our kids (and others) is complex, and we need to develop a practice. One analogy that helps motivate me for any skill I deeply want to have, but is very complex and hard to learn is walking, which many of us have the privilege to get to do. How much do we think about walking while we are doing it? Most people with the privilege of healthy legs and bodies don’t think much about walking when they walk. But each of us spent years and years practicing this skill every single day. We fell a lot at the beginning. We cried. We took breaks for short periods of time, but our commitment was strong so the next day we doubled down. Dozens of times a day we got back up and took more steps. By age 4 most of us were pretty good at it. We can’t even remember all that practicing, but we did it. Then we started doing it in different ways. We added jumps and skipping and backwards walking and galloping and cartwheels. It was a complex skill we wouldn’t be experts at for a decade or more.

The following few categories can help us build practices of learning and aligning. These categories intersect in many ways and will help us become capable of walking beside our children with clarity and confidence, centering their experiences and needs, instead of hovering around them and world events in our own anxieties, which centers ourselves.

 1. Personal Work

The first work we need to do is internal and personal to only us, and it’s two-fold - recognize your own pain and healing and educate with facts and understand the importance of art

A. Recognize your own pain and healing
“If you aren’t in your body, someone else is. The systems of this world have everything to gain from your disembodiment. Stay near yourself. Remember your body.” - Cole Arthur Riley

We need to be unpacking our own stuff. What holds us back from being the person we truly want to be? If we want it for our kids, we need to want it for ourselves. In what ways do we not advocate for ourselves because we’re not sure what to say? In what ways do we sacrifice our important needs for others or because we learned we shouldn’t have those kinds of needs? Get a therapist. Write things down, do some digging, start with honesty. You will learn as you practice. You will know the way forward as you move forward. It is important that our kids see us repairing our own hearts and minds, protecting our own dignity and joy and taking accountability for the mistakes we’ve made and harms we’ve caused. It is important that our kids see that we, ourselves, care about living full, purposeful lives not hidden under rocks of shame, guilt, fear or worse, entitlement and flowery platitudes. This is hard life-long work, and it requires a growth mindset where facts and art can work in concert.  

B. Educate with facts and understand the importance of art

Most of us simply need to know more about why racism exists and how it impacts  politics, communities and our wellness. Here are some leads on learning more about race and racism in the United States: Have you read Stamped From the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi? Have you read works by Nikole Hannah-Jones, Ta-Nehisi Coates, June Jordan and James Baldwin? Do you know the works of Cole Arthur Riley, Prentis Hemphill, Sonya Renee Taylor, Shannon Gibney, Kwame Alexander, Romare Bearden, Augusta SavageRacism doesn’t exist in a vacuum away from other negative forces like patriarchy, queer-phobia, ableism and class, which all intersect in works by these authors and artists, as they always do. Study the subject of race and racism within the larger context in which it was created and exists. We need to understand a history that doesn’t erase the political, social and economic policies and structures that created the concept of race and White supremacy** in order to use some people deemed less-than to build an empire guilt-free, and the long history of implications that got us to where we are today.

It is important for our kids to see that we are working to untangle the forces of White supremacy that live inside us, in our communities and in the wider world. It is important that our children see us trusting the experiences of people who are different from us because we personally care–not just because we want it for them. It’s important that our children see us truly loving and protecting other people who look like them.

[Growth Mindset can help us with this. When you believe you can always learn more, and you can be with the vulnerability of necessary failure along the way, you will progress. We don’t know everything already. We need to be willing to read and listen more than we talk, let what we learn change our perspectives, beliefs and then our behaviors. Growth mindset involves giving ourselves compassion enough to use phrases like this: “I’m not sure, let me learn more!” and “I messed up, how can I repair, I forgive myself, how can I do better next time.”]

 2. Allyship: Our Own Beliefs and Priorities In Action

There is often a distinction between the beliefs and priorities we have because we just really care about them in a tangible way and likely always have, and the beliefs and priorities we have because we know we should have them for our kids (or because that is what “good” people do). The problem with caring about anti-racism work only because our kids would benefit from it is that a.) We will do less work because we aren’t immersed in the importance of it ourselves, and b.) Our kids can see surface-level engagement vs. soul-level engagement, and they will carry that knowing with them.

Audre Lorde said that our children are in our lives to hold us accountable. In other words, being motivated to do this work for our specific kids is a great way to start, but if we are only taking action for our specific kids, we are not fully embodying what it means to be an ally—to care at a level that is deeply personal enough that we would take action even without our kids present, making an impact in the greater community that our kids are a part of. Our care for people with identities different than our own shows up as care for our children.

Action and sacrifice is what true allyship is. Not social media posts and flags on the porch and t-shirts. Those are visibility—also important, but contain no substance without the action to back it up. We have to want to work toward an alignment between what we’re willing to take action on because we care about it personally regardless of our kids. It is important that our children see us framing the possibilities of human experience as rooted in truth, integrity, accountability and community care.

 3. Our Parenting at Home

How we show up for our kids at home is different than in public and with family, but it all has to contain the same thread: We are the upholders of our children’s dignity. How often do we interrupt a person, a system, a curriculum, a movie, in order to stop harm or to validate and contextualize the harm being experienced for our children? How can we have conversations about this with our kids that feels empowering, which don’t offload our anxieties onto them? It is important to find ways to celebrate joy and pride with our children that aren’t in the context of whiteness, and the fastest way to do this is to care yourself, personally, in your free time. Transracial Journeys has conversation card packs that can open up a variety of conversations at home. The practices in No. 1 & No. 2 will help us embody clear values in our actions that our kids will notice (even if they never mention it or engage with you about it).


*When I use the term status quo, I’m referring to the project of White Supremacy, which inherently contains the intersections of racialized human value as well as how narrow and harmful concepts of gender, sexuality, nationality, class and ability are used to uphold harmful power structures. All of these forces are tangled up in each other, referring back to each other constantly like a pro sports team— this entanglement is called intersectionality.

**White supremacy is the belief that the white race is inherently superior to other races and that white people should have control over people of other races. It also refers to the social, economic, and political systems that collectively enable white people to maintain power over people of other races (merriam webster).This term is often used in the context of institutional and political legacies and continued use of practices that support maintaining wealth and power for White people over non-white people. In other words, one does not have to believe personally that White people are superior to other races to be participating in habits, behaviors, rules, norms, laws and systems that were created to explicitly keep White supremacy running, but that haven’t been updated fully yet.


 

This is the end of part 1 of this article. Part two will include: Parenting Outside the Home, Connecting to Extended Family Through Adoption, Room for Grief and Hope at the Same Time and Interrupting. You can find part 2 at Moving Through Life with Clarity and Confidence (Part 2)

 

Bear Howe is a white adoptive TRJ parent.

 

This post is from our September, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


Black Excellence: Colin Kaepernick

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent
Colin Kaepernick

Photo Credit: Ted S. Warren-AP/Shutterstock.com

Colin Kaepernick

Photo Credit: Blair Getz Mezibov Qiu

Colin Kaepernick Changes the Game

On August 26, 2016, NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick took his first knee during the national anthem at an NFL preseason game. This action was part of his protest against racial inequality and police brutality in the Unites States. His actions made the whole country pay attention, and helped ignite the national debates around Black Lives Matter and what role athletes can play in social activism, as well as the meaning of patriotic gestures during sports and elsewhere.

After the 2016 season, he lost his position as an NFL player, and no team has been willing to let him play since. He has continued his advocacy work, including community outreach and education initiatives.

Kaepernick’s resolve and bravery, to be one of the most visible leaders in contemporary efforts to end police brutality and race discrimination, and his willingness to risk his job and passion, have inspired people all over the world.

Colin Kaepernick is also transracially adopted. He grew up with his adoptive family and excelled in sports, played college football at the University of Nevada, Reno, and was drafted by the San Francisco 49ers in 2011. Kaepernick feels a strong connection to his biological roots, and has spoken openly about the complexities of identity and cultural heritage, and has used his platform to advocate for greater awareness of adoption issues and the importance of embracing diverse backgrounds. His upbringing has had an important impact on his social activism.

To Learn More:

Colin Kaepernick: Hopes of a 2022 NFL Comeback, from I am Athlete:

Photo credits:

  1. Ted S. Warren-AP/Shutterstock.com
  2. Blair Getz Mezibov Qiu
  3. Blair Getz Mezibov Qiu

August – Growing: Always Learning

Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture. Read "Back-to-School," this month's reflection by K. Bean, for more on intentional conversations about adoption and race during this time of year.

August Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

Transracial Journeys invites your family to experience the calendar in a whole new way. With the help of the June-in-April Calendar Conversation Cards, each month your family is invited to use the cards as a tool for more regular and intentional conversations about identity, family relationships, and differences of race and culture.

Each month has four cards with conversation starters. The prompts and questions are designed to spark reflection and ongoing dialogue within your family as well as with extended family and friends. There is no prescriptive way to use the cards, sometimes parents or grown-ups can take the lead and ask the questions and other times, children can go first.

August Pro-Tip for Parents: Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture.

CARD ONE: IDENTITY 
Close your eyes and think of being a kid at school: What is the first word that comes to mind?
• Can you describe what your school was like?
- How big was it?
- How many other kids were there?
• What was your favorite subject?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Who were some of your favorite teachers and why?
• Were there any kids or teachers who looked like me in your school?
• Were there any kids or teachers that were a different race than you?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• Did you ever see black or brown students being treated differently?
• How do you think your experiences in school were different from mine?
• What can you do better to prepare me for what I might face at school?

This post is from our August 2024 newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe.  You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long.  And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!


Book Corner – August 2024

Reviewed by Bear Howe, TRJ white adoptive parent

The Connected Parent

by Karyn Purvis, Lisa Qualls and Emmelie Pickett
Adult Nonfiction

The Connected parent offers a framework for parenting called Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI). TBRI is an attachment-based and trauma-informed approach designed to support the complex needs of children with histories of trauma. This framework focuses on three core principles: empowerment, connection and correction, and first asks parents do their own inner work of healing and introspective processing in order to show up for their children with the most clarity possible.

The book provides personal anecdotes, including religious ones, as well as research-based insights from neuroscience, attachment theory and developmental psychology, and offers practical and actionable strategies for parents. This book aims to help parents understand more intentionally the importance of helping children feel safe, valued and connected, which is particularly important and effective for children who have experienced early harm, neglect, abuse, toxic stress and other adverse childhood experiences.

Karyn Purvis is associated with Texas Christian University, the number five most conservative college in Texas, where students are able to study various religions and are not required by the school to attend any services. My sense of this book is that there is good science here that I’ve seen in many other non-religious-based books and articles, as well as in my own experiences of non-religious therapy. The religious anecdotes may help anchor parents who practice Christianity, and are not so emphasized that non-Christian parents can’t just leave those behind while gaining science-backed insights.

Reviewed by Bear Howe, TRJ white adoptive parent.


Back-to-School

By K. Bean

Back-to-school season is an exciting and transformative time, not just for our children but for us as parents as well. While our children gear up for new academic adventures, we as parents can seize this opportunity to reignite our own commitment to learning and growth. Embracing a mindset of curiosity and dedication to continuous learning is essential for fostering an inclusive, supportive, and understanding family environment. Continuing to learn about the impact of racism and bias will help create more emotional, psychological and physical safety for our children. 

Intentional Conversations About Adoption & Race

Parenting children of another race necessitates a profound and ongoing commitment to being self-aware, culturally competent, and anti-racist. I understand that my process of learning how to be better surrounding these complex issues will never be complete; there is always more to understand, more perspectives to consider, and more ways to support our boys. By engaging in intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can create a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and understood.

For us as parents, staying curious means actively seeking out knowledge and experiences that enhance our understanding of our boys racial and cultural background. We read books, attend workshops, and participate in cultural events that share our boys' heritage. We want to demonstrate that their identity is respected and celebrated. This kind of proactive engagement sets a powerful example, showing them that learning is a lifelong journey and that understanding and respecting differences is a vital part of personal growth.

Discussions Can Help Develop a Sense of Self, Strengthen Bonds and Build a Foundation of Trust

Moreover, having intentional conversations about race and adoption can help address the unique challenges that transracially adopted children might face. These discussions can provide a safe space for them to express their experiences and feelings, whether they relate to racial identity, experiences of discrimination, or questions about their adoption. By normalizing these conversations, we can help them develop a positive sense of self and equip them with the tools to navigate a world that may not always be accepting or understanding.

In addition to benefiting our boys, these conversations foster a deeper connection within our family. When we discuss complex topics like race and adoption openly and honestly, it strengthens our bond and builds a foundation of trust and mutual respect. This openness encourages them to share their struggles and triumphs, knowing that we are here to support them without judgment. It also allows us as parents to share our own vulnerabilities and learning experiences, highlighting that growth and understanding are continuous processes for everyone.

Back to School: Recommit to Our Own Educational Journeys

In conclusion, back-to-school season is an opportune moment for us to recommit to our own educational journeys, especially when parenting through transracial adoption. By fostering intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can enhance our understanding, support one another more effectively, and create a loving, inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. This commitment to continuous learning and growth benefits not just the family but society as a whole, promoting a culture of empathy, respect, and inclusivity.

This post is from our August, 2024, newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, as well as information about our annual Transracial Journeys Family Camp and our monthly Zoom call to provide support for our transracial adoption parents please subscribe.


Book Corner – July 2024

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.  

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at the Transracial Journeys Family Camp to help bring to life parent work sessions  centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.  

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/


Black Excellence – Isaac Etter

By Becca Howe, TRJ Parent
Isaac Etter, transracial adoptee

This month we are combining our Black Excellence and Book Corner featuring Isaac Etter.  Isaac is a transracially adopted person and a social entrepreneur who founded Identity, a startup focused on helping adoptive and foster families thrive. At Identity, Isaac is working on re-imagining post-placement support for adoptive and foster families. He uses his story and deep passion for adoption and foster care education to bring relevant, quality, and diverse resources to adoptive and foster parents.

Isaac utilizes his experience of being adopted to curate deep conversations about race, identity, and adoption. With his unique insight, Isaac facilitates impactful discussions about adoption's impact on children and how parents can support their children in navigating identity and racial identity development. He specializes in helping child welfare professionals and parents understand the unique challenges and joys involved in transracial adoption and fostering.

A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption.

As a special offer to the TRJ community, Issac has created a special offer - $17.75 for his Identity guide, A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption. Now including two bonus chapters! One written by Julie Etter, adoptive mother, and an extended Q&A chapter.

Currently Isaac is working on releasing an update of his Black Hair Care guide to include QR links to explanations of tools, products, and also walkthroughs. Learn more about Issac and his work here and listen to monthly podcast episodes of Inside Transracial Adoption with his mom. Link: https://www.youtube.com/@identitylearning

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.  

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at camp to help bring to life parent work sessions  centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.  

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/