adoptee perspective – Transracial Journeys

Book Corner – July 2024

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at the Transracial Journeys Family Camp to help bring to life parent work sessions centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/

Black Excellence – Isaac Etter

This month we are combining our Black Excellence and Book Corner featuring Isaac Etter. Isaac is a transracially adopted person and a social entrepreneur who founded Identity, a startup focused on helping adoptive and foster families thrive. At Identity, Isaac is working on re-imagining post-placement support for adoptive and foster families. He uses his story and deep passion for adoption and foster care education to bring relevant, quality, and diverse resources to adoptive and foster parents.

Isaac utilizes his experience of being adopted to curate deep conversations about race, identity, and adoption. With his unique insight, Isaac facilitates impactful discussions about adoption's impact on children and how parents can support their children in navigating identity and racial identity development. He specializes in helping child welfare professionals and parents understand the unique challenges and joys involved in transracial adoption and fostering.

A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption.

As a special offer to the TRJ community, Issac has created a special offer - $17.75 for his Identity guide, A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption. Now including two bonus chapters! One written by Julie Etter, adoptive mother, and an extended Q&A chapter.

Currently Isaac is working on releasing an update of his Black Hair Care guide to include QR links to explanations of tools, products, and also walkthroughs. Learn more about Issac and his work here and listen to monthly podcast episodes of Inside Transracial Adoption with his mom. Link: https://www.youtube.com/@identitylearning

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at camp to help bring to life parent work sessions centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/

Freedom

By K. Bean

As we delve deeper into our history and the true essence of freedom, July 4th becomes a day of profound reflection. It invites us to consider the complexities of freedom and to question who is genuinely free and under what circumstances. This exploration is particularly relevant in the context of transracial adoption, where understanding our identities and truths as individuals and families becomes paramount.

The concept of freedom, as celebrated on Independence Day, is multifaceted. It encompasses not just the political liberation from colonial rule for some but also the ongoing struggle for social, economic, and personal freedoms. While the Declaration of Independence proclaimed that all men are created equal, the reality of freedom has been unevenly distributed throughout American history. This discrepancy prompts me to ask: Who is really free, and when?

For many, the journey to freedom is intertwined with personal history and identity. In my family, this journey involves exploring and understanding the truth of who we are. It’s important to me that we intentionally create a space for our boys to explore their full identities. Adoption has added layers of complexity to each of our identities, often involving questions about heritage, belonging, and self-discovery. For my boys, freedom includes the ability to access their personal histories, understand their cultural roots, and reconcile their identities with us and broader society.

Freedom to Explore Identities

The freedom to explore their identities is supported and encouraged, however, they have limited access to information about their origins and backgrounds. Fostering connections with the families they were born to and creating an environment where open and honest conversations can happen is ideal. This exploration is not just about satisfying curiosity; it is fundamental to developing a strong, healthy sense of self. With that said, the pain of the past has caused a barrier between their family of origin and the 4 of us. Every ask, every text, every promise is a reminder there are barriers to having the freedom to know all parts of themselves.

Freedom: An Ongoing Process

July 4th, therefore, becomes an opportunity to reflect on how these principles of freedom apply within the microcosm of our families. It encourages us to think about how we can create the conditions where every family member feels free to express themselves and explore their identities. This means celebrating differences, acknowledging the complexities of adoption, and understanding that freedom is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing process.

Contemplating How Race and History Impact the Experiences of Adoptees

In contemplating freedom, we must also consider the broader social context. Historical and systemic inequalities have meant that the promise of freedom has not been equally realized by all. For transracially adoptive families, understanding these broader issues is crucial. It involves recognizing how race and history impact the experiences of adoptees and being advocates for social justice and equity.

Reflect on the True Meaning of Freedom

In July and all year long, let’s make time to reflect on the true meaning of freedom, consider who is genuinely free, and acknowledge that freedom is an evolving journey. By doing so, we honor the spirit of independence, not just through celebration but through a commitment to continuous growth, understanding, and the pursuit of true freedom for all.

Black Excellence: Michael Franti

Michael Franti is an American singer-songwriter, poet, activist and documentarian known for his socially conscious music. His work spans several genres including hip hop, reggae, jazz, folk and rock. Franti was born in Oakland, California, in 1966, the biological son of Mary Lofy and Thomas Hopkins. He was adopted shortly after birth by white parents Carole Wisti and Charles Franti, who had four other children—one adopted and three biological—and raised their children in the diverse and multi-cultural Oakland, California.

Franti talks openly about his adoption, and says that the experience has profoundly influenced his understanding of identity, belonging and social justice. Growing up bi-racial in a predominantly white family challenged his sense of identity, and fostered a deep sense of empathy and awareness for racial and cultural issues.

You may know Franti from his 2008 single, “Say Hey (I Love You)” which became a major hit and showcased his ability to create infectious, uplifting music. He produced and directed the film, “I Know I’m Not Alone,” which documented his travels through war-torn regions and the power of music to heal.

Franti met his biological father for the first time when he was 22 years old, and says about his biological father that he was wicked smart, and was the first African American researcher in the lab that developed the birth control pill. He remembers his first father as being socially awkward and not always emotionally present. He didn’t get to have his biological father with him on a daily basis growing up like he did with his adoptive father, but Franti says he feels his biological father inside, and has developed an understanding that in this way he has always had his father with him.

Franti is known for his warm and engaged stage presence and has dedicated his life to promoting messages of unity, positivity and generosity. In interviews he has spoken about the positive and supportive environment his adoptive parents provided and the importance of acceptance and love at home, which is reflected in his art.

Book Corner – May 2024

Monstrous is a young adult graphic novel memoir written and illustrated by nonbinary comic artist and transracial adoptee Sarah Myer. The story is about Myer's childhood years in the 1990s and early 2000s in rural Maryland, taking us from an imaginative and emotionally explosive early childhood, through an adolescence rife with bullying, racism, homophobia, ableism, mental health struggles and the protagonist's reckoning with identity, how to stick up for themselves, take responsibility for themselves and find self-acceptance, all with the help of art and anime.

Sarah was adopted from Korea by white parents as an infant, and they live in rural Maryland on a farm. Sarah becomes obsessed with making art after seeing the Little Mermaid with their mom as a preschooler. They don’t want to play dolls the way the girls want to, and they play well with the boys until they are told to go away for not being a boy. When Sarah sees a Sailor Moon cartoon on tv, their entire world begins to change, as anime shows them a world wider and more diverse than their physical community, and eventually leads them to find other artists and people who think more like they do and accept them for who they are.

Sarah struggles with turning to violence as the only way they can defend themselves when adults at school won't help, and pushes friends away as a way to process self-rejection and the overwhelming negativity coming at them daily. By the time Sarah is finishing high school, they have found a few good, safe friends in theater and through anime, and upon finally watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, find the empowerment they need to realize they are the only person who can decide what their life gets to be. We get to see Sarah's return to their childhood self to nurture their own sense of belonging, acceptance, kindness and excitement for the future.

Monstrous is a raw, emotional ode to being yourself and keeping your heart intact when others are hateful, and through periods when you might not know how to hold on to yourself anymore. While transracial adoption and racism is a big theme in this book, there are many intersectional layers to this story that will be relevant to a wide range of readers. This young adult book is marketed to people ages 14-18, but I would recommend this book to kids as young as 11, with the understanding that there are a few slight references to sex and a handful of scenes with violence in them, including illustrated images of the monster Sarah imagines lives inside them. I would also recommend this book to all adults who’ve ever felt a disconnect from their communities, or who love anime, or who love to get their hearts tugged on by a strong, imperfect, lovable protagonist who becomes the hero they never knew they could be.

Sharp Edges of Exclusion that Come with Adoption, Family Separation and Differences of Race

by TRJ Executive Director, April Dinwoodie

“Where is she from?”

“Does she look like her dad?”

“Do you know who her real parents are?”

These and other questions came hard and fast at my mom and me when we were out in a world that wants us to match and did not understand the realities of adoption, family separation, and the impact of trauma that comes with both.

As a kid, I never quite understood why folks were so interested in my family, why my mom would get kind of mad when these things would happen, and why I felt so weird when it did. Why did anyone care what we looked like, why I was brown, or how we came together as a family? Also, what were “real parents” anyway? None of it made sense and over time, unwanted attention based on how I looked and where I “fit” within the family that surrounded me was constant. In a majority white community where families matched, I was singled out and often wondered if I belonged anywhere.

In addition to the comments about how our family looked there were comments about how lucky I was or how lucky our family was. Lucky? Why was I lucky to have what everyone else had, a family? It did not make sense and it made me feel uncomfortable. We rarely unpacked these things as a family so I was left to wonder why my family was so different, why I was different and why I should feel the least bit lucky about any of it?

Sitting next to all of this were my complex feelings of sadness and confusion about my family of origin and looking so different from the people around me. While I truly loved my family and these feelings were not all-consuming, they were serious distractions as I navigated the world. I simply wanted to fit in, to be like everyone else and to feel like I belonged.

There was no bright or easy path to true belonging because those closest to me did not realize the weight of my reality and most others were too busy expecting me to be grateful. I needed a community like TRJ to help my parents know and do better and I needed to be around other children and families.

This year TRJ’s camp theme centers on inclusivity and belonging. As always, we will create space for deep learning and development as well as moments for joy and community. Together, we will work to soften the sharp edges of exclusion that come with adoption, family separation and differences of race. Together, we will co-created the brightest path to belonging for the children entrusted to you through adoption.

Reflections: Entry Point for Living Fully with Authenticity and Purpose as an Adoptive Family

by TRJ Executive Director, April Dinwoodie

As I reflect on my younger years as a transracially adopted person, I am filled with so many wonderful childhood memories with my sister, brothers, my parents and extended family. I am also filled with the memories of feeling isolated with my feelings and thoughts about adoption and differences of race.

My parents, busy as they were looking after us, were not in tune, and rhythm with some of the needs that I had as a Black/biracial transracially adopted person. We didn’t talk enough about the realities of separation from family of origin or differences of race, and I was left to navigate these big real realities mostly on my own.

Conversations: An Entry Point for Living Fully with Authenticity and Purpose

Today, I can confidently say that the entry point for living fully with authenticity and purpose as an adoptive family where difference of race is present, is grounding conversation that is ongoing and ever present in your daily life.

Adoption is both a journey rooted in love, and it’s also a path intertwined with unique challenges, especially when it involves racial differences. It’s crucial to recognize that adoption doesn’t just create your family; it weaves together origins, cultures, and backgrounds that may be vastly different.

Encouraging an Environment of Discussion

Start by encouraging an environment where questions and discussions about adoption and race are welcomed and encouraged. It’s important for children to feel safe in expressing their feelings and curiosities. This always starts with you. So often, I hear parents say – “my child never asks me questions” or “they never really want to talk about adoption or our differences”. Almost always the questions are there but the space to explore them is not.

Getting more into the flow of ongoing conversation requires commitment from parents and caregivers as well as resources to support the effort. Use books, movies, and cultural events as tools to celebrate your child’s heritage and your family’s multiculturalism. This not only helps them connect with their roots but also aids the whole family in understanding and appreciating culture, ethnicity and heritage more holistically. Check out our book corner and conversation cards as you continually add to your tool kit.

Connecting With Other Adoptive Families

Another way to scaffold your family is to connect with other adoptive families, especially those with similar dynamics. Sharing experiences and insights can be invaluable for both parents and children. Transracial Journeys is excited to remind parents of a partnership that began in October 2023 with Adoption Network Cleveland to bring our parents the Transracial Adoptive Parent Support Group. Join us Thursday, January 18, 2024 7:00pm-8:00pm and third Thursdays of each month. Registration details can be found on the Adoption Network Cleveland website.

And finally, do not be ashamed or afraid to seek professional guidance from counselors or therapists, particularly those who specialize in adoption and multicultural families. They can provide strategies and support for navigating complex emotions and situations. Here is a state by state directory of mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees /adoptive families in a variety of public and private settings. This list was curated by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker and I encourage you to visit her website to learn more.

Remember, these conversations are not a one-time event but an ongoing dialogue that evolves as your child grows. It’s about building a foundation of trust, understanding, and respect for your child’s unique identity and your families unique reality.

Book Corner – January 2024

Reveal: The Masks We See and Those We Don’t

October Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck, given to all our families at Family Camp and available for purchase. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for October. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent pro-tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

October Pro-Tip for Parents: Think about the symbolism of masks and how you might mask your feelings about adoption and differences of race. What can you do to tap into those feelings and let them show in healthy ways? Do you recognize when your child might be masking their feelings? “We Wear the Mask” - Paul Laurence Dunbar

This post is from our October 2023, e-newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!

Books, Books and More Books featuring Black protagonists!

by Avril McInally and Vicki Richards

August is the month we prepare our children for going back to school and April’s August card for Facing and Embracing Differences of Race and Culture asks some introspective questions that might prepare our families for the school year to come.

What can you do to better prepare me for what I might face at school?
How do you think your experiences in school were different from mine?

To help us adults to remember and to introduce our children to a range of possibilities and experiences that might unfold for them in the academic year ahead, we choose to focus on differences of race and culture via our recently-launched Transracial Journeys Bibliography. This bibliography has been a year in the making and prepared for our families by myself (a professional adult librarian) and my friend and colleague Vicki Richards, a professional children’s librarian. From birth through adulthood, we’ve curated a collection of titles that share experiences (fictitiously and non-fictitiously) that touch on topics and stories shared from the perspective of African Americans. Whenever we could find them, we also included stories and experiences of adoption, fostering, blended families, and LGBTQ+ people. There isn’t a lot out there about adoption, but there is more now than there has been in the past. Vicki and I are searching for more for next year’s bibliography.

In this Transracial Journeys Bibliography 2023, back-to-school and school themes are prevalent as stories like the following unfold:

Vanessa in “Becoming Vanessa” grapples with her name on the first day of school
“Goodbye Summer, Hello Autumn” depicts a multicultural society experiencing the change of season
“Henry at Home” illustrates what happens between siblings when one of them leaves home for the first time to attend kindergarten
In “Class Act” we see our Black protagonist enter 9th grade in a mostly white school
Dax Devlon-Ross in “Letters to My White Male Friends” shares a lot about transitioning from an all Black school to an all white private school as a child in D.C.. His memoir imparts glimpses into racial situations our own children might be navigating but don’t want to talk about.

In most of the fiction for teens or young adults, there are lots of school scenarios depicting not only first love but also attending Black Lives Matter marches or children coping with racism and/or bullying.

Between us, Vicki and I have read every single title on this bibliography and either one or both of us has wholeheartedly endorsed the books that made it to our list. It’s in your hands to promote, support and share this growing, beautiful body of Black authors and illustrators. It’s in your power to create a reading experience for your children populated with bedtime stories, humor, comics, memoirs and literary experiences featuring Black characters and protagonists. There is a literary African American canon, unfolding and building momentum, of authors and illustrators we should be sharing with all of our children (Black and white). It would be a loss to not grow up experiencing the books of Kadir Nelson, Sharon Flake, Jewell Parker Rhodes, Sharon Draper, Kwame Alexander, Justin Reynolds, Jason Reynolds or L.L. McKinney to name a few.

It’s our hope that you not only share these titles with your children, but that you (the grown ups) read them too in order to get some insight into the landscapes our children navigate away from home and away from us (their parents, their teachers, their neighbors, etc.). We also would ask that you share these books with non Black or non adopted children and adults to help promote more understanding of the sometimes invisible challenges of racism or phobias our children encounter. These books help us get back to Facing and embracing differences of race and culture. Sometimes this embrace can be as simple as cracking open a book, turning the page and sharing it with a loved one.

With a love of and wonder in reading,

Vicki Richards and Avril McInally

(click here to open/print/download Transracial Journeys Bibliography 2023)

Exploring race, adoption, and identity in a family setting

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

A Practical Guide: Transracial Adoption.

Considering the Complexities of Freedom

Freedom to Explore Identities

Freedom: An Ongoing Process

Contemplating How Race and History Impact the Experiences of Adoptees

Reflect on the True Meaning of Freedom

Monstrous, by Sarah Myer

Book Recommendations for Families Created in Transracial Adoption

Book Corner Posts

Conversations: An Entry Point for Living Fully with Authenticity and Purpose

Encouraging an Environment of Discussion

Connecting With Other Adoptive Families

Book Recommendations for Families Created in Transracial Adoption

Book Corner Posts

October Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions